I feel like I need to confront some things in my life that I have allowed to go on for longer than necessary. The problem is, I hate conflict and tension. I hate upsetting people or hurting them. I never want to make anyone feel like a lesser being, and I certainly don't want them to feel like I am reprimanding them.
However, I can't live like this. I can't walk on eggshells, and I can't keep making sacrifices for someone when I am worse off than they are. I'm a single mother of two children, one of whom has special needs, the other has medical issues. I am a full time student. Funds are INCREDIBLY limited. I live a very restrictive life. I take lukewarm showers 2x a week, because that's all I can afford. I never get to blow dry or flat iron my hair, because I cannot afford to use that much electricity. Most days, I eat cereal or hot pockets. I can't afford a warm meal every day for my kids and I. I live dollar to dollar... and that's okay. It's okay because I am doing something about it. I am bettering myself and my life. I am working on a career, so that one day I won't have to worry about bills.
One day, I'll be done with school. I will make anywhere from $25-$40 an hour, and I will be able to afford rent on my own, without any issues. I'll be able to take warm showers 7 days a week. Eat REAL food for each meal, cook for my kids every single day. It will be GLORIOUS. I will be able to get a nice, new car. I have a lot to look forward to. I just have to hang in there for the last 3 years of my education. That's it. 3 more years. I can handle it.
In the meantime, though.... I need for everyone around me to respect the lifestyle that I can afford, and not to try to pressure me or make me feel guilty because I have a limited income. I can only afford the bare minimum... and that means I ONLY have the bare minimum to offer OTHERS. I CAN'T give them anymore than that. I don't want to have to worry about losing friendships because they feel like I should be able to afford more for them, when I can't. It gives me awful anxiety. I need to nip it in the bud. I just don't know how...
