Here I am, at 3:34 in the morning... sitting up in bed, eating a leftover meatball grinder from Subway, watching Grey's Anatomy, wondering what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've always had trouble sleeping. My entire life, literally, since I was a baby. As an infant, I slept from maybe 12:00AM-4:00AM, if my parents were lucky. As a toddler, I'd be up all night just playing in my crib and then my toddler bed. As an adolescent, I'd be up all night crying from anxiety; I was so worried something would happen to one of my parents. As a teenager, I'd be up all night with my brain unable to shut off. I'd be thinking about everything, stressing about everything, or I'd be on something... As an adult, sleep has only become more difficult to find. Even with about 4-5 medications before bed at night, I still struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep. Nobody knows why. I don't think anyone will ever know why.
And tonight... Insomnia is in FULL effect.
I have to order my textbooks for Spring semester... WHICH STARTS ON MONDAY. Don't ask why I haven't done it yet... I have no clue. I really have no freakin' clue. I do know I'm not ready for Spring semester to start up. Not even close. On top of the fact that I still have YET to get my stitches out from my carpal tunnel release surgery, I just feel like everything is so up in the air, so unsure. The worst part is, I have a 15-20 page research paper from Fall English Comp classes that I have yet to write. If I don't do it soon, my Incomplete in that class will turn into an F. I can't get an F. I have never failed anything in my life, and it would DESTROY my 4.0 GPA that I have worked SO DAMN HARD for.
I wish I had more than just a short intersession break to rest and recharge, but I don't, and that is life. So I have literally like TWO DAYS to get myself, my kids, our home, my bank account, my mental & emotional state... totally ready for another ass kicking semester of school. The thought itself exhausts me.
At least this semester, I have no English Comp classes anymore. I have no more Sociology classes. All 3 of those things are UHHHHHHHHHMAZING. Particularly math. Last semester I had a 4 credit math class. Which, if you've ever been to college, and you've ever taken a 4 credit class, and you've ever taken a 4 credit math class, you understand what's nauseating about it. That class literally brought me to tears. Multiple times. Perhaps even regularly. It was a struggle. I didn't think I was even going to pass... and SOMEHOW I pulled an A out of seemingly thin air. So glad I will never have to take a math class again in my life.
This semester I've got mostly easy classes: Medical Terminology, Psychology, Health Careers, and then a couple SUPER DOOZIES: Anatomy & Physiology 2 Lecture, Anatomy & Physiology 2 Lab. So I am hoping this semester is a bit easier than last. Last semester damn near kilt me lol. Yes, I said kilt.
I guess that's probably enough bitching & moaning about Spring semester. Im done with that, for now. Hahaha.
Alright, I'm going to go brush my teeth, and then pass out. After all, it's past 4:15 in the morning.
