Anchored

The truth is… I am my own worst enemy.
I am the biggest threat to my success and/or happiness in life.
I don't worry about what might happen to me, what other people might do to hurt me.
I have always worried about what I might do to her other people.
What destruction I might bring upon someone else's life, what havoc I might wreak.

I don't even know if it's possible to "fix" something like that.
If it is… how would one go about it?
Where would one begin?
I feel so conflicted.

Sometimes I don't know whether what I feel is genuine, or something I'm trying to convince myself of.
I can go from 0-100, from black to white, up to down, yes to no, in half a second.
How the hell do I know what is real?
It feels like I don't know who I am.
How can I, if I don't know how I feel?

I'm trying my best not to act on emotion.
Emotions are fleeting.
It's important not to make permanent decisions based on temporary factors.
So… I just have to find a way to anchor myself.
Somehow.

Maybe it makes me a horrible person.
That's possible.
Even likely.
If that's the case, then I guess that answers my question/s.