Things will be changing soon.
I hate change.
I really do.
My life has been 28 years of change. It gets so old.
For once, I'd love for things to just stay the fucking same.
Just for a while.
It's why I've been desperate for stability my entire life.
I've never had it.
Never known what it's like.
So I dream of it, every night, and throughout the day.
I don't think I'll ever know it first hand.
I hate change.
I really do.
My life has been 28 years of change. It gets so old.
For once, I'd love for things to just stay the fucking same.
Just for a while.
It's why I've been desperate for stability my entire life.
I've never had it.
Never known what it's like.
So I dream of it, every night, and throughout the day.
I don't think I'll ever know it first hand.
I love that it finally feels like Fall, but I have to admit, Fall has lost it's novelty somewhat.
Now, for some reason, I get flashbacks to Fall 2010, when I was completely unaware of the hell that I was about to endure.
Now, for some reason, I get flashbacks to Fall 2010, when I was completely unaware of the hell that I was about to endure.
When I think of Fall, I think about zipping up my jackett over my hoody, pulling on my boots, and calling my dogs over to clip their leashes on.
I think about how happy I was to step outside of the house into the fresh air.
Breathing in the intoxicating scent of Autumn, feeling the breeze blowing my hair around my face and head like a wild halo, hearing the crunch of the deciduous leaves beneath my feet, not a care in the world.
I think about how happy I was to step outside of the house into the fresh air.
Breathing in the intoxicating scent of Autumn, feeling the breeze blowing my hair around my face and head like a wild halo, hearing the crunch of the deciduous leaves beneath my feet, not a care in the world.
I should have seen it coming.
I think I was so enamored with the IDEA of who someone was, rather than the reality of the signs I missed.
It's so easy to look back at the past and pick out what was missed, of course.
But all the same, there were things that I should have taken note of.
Things that should have sent me running the other way as fast as my two legs could carry me.
I either missed them, or I ignored them.
Is there a difference?
It's so easy to look back at the past and pick out what was missed, of course.
But all the same, there were things that I should have taken note of.
Things that should have sent me running the other way as fast as my two legs could carry me.
I either missed them, or I ignored them.
Is there a difference?
When someone takes over every aspect of your life, and leaves you without any personal space, that's a problem.
That's not a healthy relationship.
When you aren't allowed to spend time with your friends any longer, without that person with you, that's a problem.
When your phone calls are logged, your text messages are read, and a keylogger is put on your personal computer, that's a problem.
When someone gets excessively jealous over things that they misinterpret, and in turn, treat you horribly, that's a problem.
When someone starts punching holes in your closet doors, smashing holes into your walls, and destroying your belongings, because they're angry over things they've imagined, that's a problem.
When someone thinks nothing of grabbing you by the collar of your shirt and slamming you into walls, then turning you around and slamming you into walls face-first, or takes swings at your face, that's a problem.
When someone spits in your face, that's a problem.
When they back you into a corner, literally, and force you to cower in fear, when they tell you what a disgusting whore you are, how you're a horrible person, that nobody will ever love you, that you made them this way....
When you realize that you can't tell your friends and family the truth about what's going on, because you know that they will insist you leave that situation IMMEDIATELY.....
THAT IS A PROBLEM.
That's not a healthy relationship.
When you aren't allowed to spend time with your friends any longer, without that person with you, that's a problem.
When your phone calls are logged, your text messages are read, and a keylogger is put on your personal computer, that's a problem.
When someone gets excessively jealous over things that they misinterpret, and in turn, treat you horribly, that's a problem.
When someone starts punching holes in your closet doors, smashing holes into your walls, and destroying your belongings, because they're angry over things they've imagined, that's a problem.
When someone thinks nothing of grabbing you by the collar of your shirt and slamming you into walls, then turning you around and slamming you into walls face-first, or takes swings at your face, that's a problem.
When someone spits in your face, that's a problem.
When they back you into a corner, literally, and force you to cower in fear, when they tell you what a disgusting whore you are, how you're a horrible person, that nobody will ever love you, that you made them this way....
When you realize that you can't tell your friends and family the truth about what's going on, because you know that they will insist you leave that situation IMMEDIATELY.....
THAT IS A PROBLEM.
The sad truth is that no matter how much we wish we could help some people, we truly can't.
No amount of tearful apologies they make, or promises to change, can take the place of intensive, professional therapy.
Hell, even therapy can't save everyone.
Some people are lost causes, and there's no logic in going down with them.
It's okay to save yourself.
In fact, it's crucial that you do.
No amount of tearful apologies they make, or promises to change, can take the place of intensive, professional therapy.
Hell, even therapy can't save everyone.
Some people are lost causes, and there's no logic in going down with them.
It's okay to save yourself.
In fact, it's crucial that you do.