I can't do it anymore.
I can't.
I just can't.
I hate hurting people.
Anyone, it doesn't matter who they are.
But I honest to GOD believe that if I stay, he's going to take my life.
Never before have I ever genuinely believed that another human being might kill me.
But I am positive of this.
I know with every fiber of my being that if I don't get out now,
I never will.
I'm terrified either way.
Whether I stay or whether I go.
I know he can find me.
He can get to me.
What if there's no safe place to run to?
I'm glad Alex was there the night I left.
If he wasn't, I never could have gotten out.
I don't know if he thought backing me into a corner, and throwing around everything I packed up was going to make me stay, or if he just wanted to be an asshole.
But fortunately Alex pulled him away, he made him keep a few feet of distance from me.
I don't understand why he still comes to my mom's house every night.
Why he sits in his car across the street, and just stares.
For hours.
It's creepy.
I found out that he's been following home EVERY SINGLE VEHICLE that comes to the house.
Because in his mind, it MUST be some guy that I'm seeing.
It's deluded.
He's fucking nuts.
He started getting out of his car, and walking through the front yard, standing in the bushes, and screaming through the windows.
Also for hours.
What does he think this is going to accomplish?
I hate crying, it makes me feel like a wuss.
But I feel so helpless and defeated, I can't get the fuck away from him.
He won't let me leave.
He won't let go.
HE NEEDS TO LET GO.
I have never been more done in my entire life.
Following me around the city is getting old.
Sending horribly cruel text messages, full of explanations of how and why I'm the worst person to ever exist...
That's getting old too.
Somehow it still hurts, even though I know he's mentally fucking ill.
I know that he needs to be back on his bipolar meds, but it still breaks me...
Reading the awful things he says,
Hearing him yell vicious things to me outside my house.
I just want to be safe.
I just want peace.
I don't understand how I ever got into this situation
I always said I never would.
Not me.
I could never.
But I could.
I did.
And now.....
Now all I can do is pray to God that this isn't how my life ends...